27 Apr This Mama Bear Had To Protect Her Daughter From The Unthinkable
When I was 5 years old, I was molested and raped for several years by my next-door neighbor. I was told it was a secret, so I never said anything to anyone until years later when I learned that what happened to me was horribly wrong.
I remember always running to dandelions so that I could pick them and make a wish. I would wish for the abuse to stop.
Sadly it didn’t.
To this day, I have horrible triggers that I’ve had to learn how to deal with.
My molester often played the same song, and now when I hear it or even think about it, I go into a panic. This is my hardest trigger. There have been times when I’ve been shopping in the store and this particular song has come on, and I would experience full-blown panic attacks.
Thankfully this man was brought to justice. He was in his 70’s when I was 5 years old, I am 37 now, so I know he isn’t around anymore. Which leaves me with a big of peace.
When I was 20 years old, I found out that I was pregnant. Needless to say, this was the happiest and scariest moment of my life.
My daughter means everything to me. She is my world and I would protect her to no end.
But I never thought I would have to go through this nightmare again. When she was only 2 years old, something horrible happened. A plumber that I had called to my house, made sexual comments about my daughter, I was horrified and deeply triggered. I held her close as my radar went off, and I had the instinct that something bad was going to happen. This terrified me because, I lived on a 5-acre farm and I knew if something were to happen, nobody would hear me scream.
Without having to get too deep into it, I held her tight and blocked her body and I took the physical pain. I did not let this man touch my child. I have scars on my neck from what was done to me that day.
Now, this is yet another trigger that I have to now deal with. I literally have to cut all my shirts so that they don’t touch this area. Seeing these marks everyday hurts me. I am always asked if I have a rash or hicky’s. It’s sad and embarrassing…
However, seeing these marks every day also reminds me that I am strong.
My daughter has known since the age of 4 what rape and child molesting are. I made the choice to educate her because I didn’t want her to ever think that this is okay. I wanted her to know right from wrong and that no one should be touching her in those ways.
I got so much wrath from her school for bringing awareness to my child. To the point where I was in tears telling my story. I was ridiculed as being inappropriate until the faculty heard my story.
This is NOT ok.
Parents, everyone reading this…
Please be aware that this is real and as hard as it is to talk about, it needs to be talked about. It is happening to our children, our kids! It happened to me. It can happen to anyone, from any walk of life.
There is no way I was going to let it happen to my baby. I had explained to her what the “no no” areas are. It’s hard to do this as a parent but it is in fact necessary. Trust me. Better to be safe, then sorry.
My daughter is now 17 years old and calls me her “Mama Bear.” She knows I would protect her with everything I’ve got!
Please know that this was very hard for me to open up about and share with the world, especially because I still have so much PTSD from it all. But I want to spread awareness.
If you’ve suffered abuse of any kind, remember, you are a survivor, not a victim.